According to the Pew Research Center, roughly 1 in 4 American adults are in the sandwich generation – those who are caring for aging parents while raising children. These individuals (typically Gen X or Millennials) are sandwiched in the middle of two generations who require a great deal of physical, emotional and financial support.
Their plight is simple enough to understand – it’s juggling their parents’ needs, their kids’ needs, their own needs, their career and sometimes even more. With so many balls in the air, something has got to give. Burnout is common with caregivers. And because we’re human, a common occurrence is having feelings of guilt – for not being the perfect son, daughter, mother or father.
For sandwich generation caregivers with multiple dependents, the following practices can help conserve peace and strength as they navigate this demanding role.
Acknowledge what’s happening.
For most of the sandwich generation, the need to care for mom or dad is sudden with little or no time to acknowledge this big change. It’s never easy, but for a person with young or teenage children who rely on them, providing around-the-clock care to an aging parent can be difficult.
Life as you know it has changed and it’s important to acknowledge that. Express what is going on – mom/dad needs constant care, the kids have school obligations, stress levels have increased and you don’t know how to get through it. Once you address the situation, you can make a plan.
Communicate with loved ones.
Communication goes hand-in-hand with acknowledgement. This is a time to lean into loved ones, whether they’re mom, dad, kids, spouse, siblings. Talk to one another – about what you’re facing and how you’re feeling. That way, nothing goes unsaid or assumed.
This also applies to patient-caregiver communication. Often, patients see the stress put on caregivers and may feel like a burden to their family. Consider discussing the situation openly together to reduce negative misconceptions about what your family is facing. When you are all on the same page, you will function as a stronger team.
Make time for self-care.
Self-care isn’t selfish – it’s necessary. As caregivers are burning the candle at both ends, they need to protect time for themselves to recharge. This doesn’t mean a trip to the spa (but it can). In fact, depending on a caregiver’s schedule, it may be more realistic to only have a few minutes for “me time.” That’s okay.
When in doubt, go outside. Fresh air does wonders. Consider going for a walk, focusing on your breath, noticing the beauty of the changing seasons. It doesn’t matter what you do, but you must take care of yourself in order to take care of someone else.
Ask for help.
The role of a caregiver can feel lonely. Consider your network of people: family members, friends, neighbors, church community. Often, these people want to help, but don’t know how they can be of service. By allowing them in, you’re giving them the opportunity to feel good about being useful while you benefit from their support.
Whether it’s a school carpool or caregiver relief visits – help comes in many forms, but many caregivers are unsure of how to ask for it. When in doubt, be direct. For example, “I have to stay home with dad, do you mind picking me up a few things while you’re out?” Or, “I need someone to sit with mom while I run to the grocery store.”
Try to find balance.
For parents caring for their own mom or dad, family dynamics have shifted drastically. A caregiver puts their life on hold to take care of their loved one. Despite this, it is complicated but possible to move forward with your life. This starts with the little things. Even something as simple as having family dinner each day can help maintain a sense of ‘normalcy’ during this difficult time. Use this time together to check in with one another and monitor how everyone is feeling.
Outside of routine, some caregivers may prioritize pursuing travel, hobbies, side projects or other ambitious outlets. Rest assured, while there are challenges with caregiving, there are ways for families to work things out and find balance.
As a NorthStar Care Community member, Arbor Hospice provides support for caregivers, encouraging them to make the time to fill their cup – because you can’t pour from an empty one. We’re here to help families navigate the caregiving experience, providing continuous support, training, and education. Check out our resources for patients and caregivers or call (888) 992-2273.